"Happier than a tick on a fat dog" as Kentucky Judge cancels trial.

The parties having notified the Court of the settlement of a particularly acrimonious legal malpractice suit, Kenton, Kentucky Circuit Judge Martin J. Sheehan fired off an Order that’s destined to be a classic of fun, humor and sarcastic mixed metaphors – – -  not to mention the amusing imagery! Here’s the delightful part of Judge Sheehan’s Order, which was filed July 19, 2011.

“And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory.”

                                                                                                                                                            The jury trial was canceled. But not to be missed is the final zinger from the Court, which read: “The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office.”

For more about Judge Sheehan, check out Todd McMurtry’s “90 Minutes with Judge Martin J. Sheehan” at Civil Litigation Blog.

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Photo Credits: “Tick!” by ThreeIfByBike at Flickr

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